Isn’t it ironic that I experience an avalanche of stories when I am not in front of the monitor? I mean, does it happen to you too? You surprise yourself on how brilliant your are? Ideas just flow unstoppable? You’re a creator of something remarkable? For a few hours you become too impress with yourself, almost close to complete arrogance? It always happen to me. Words just wash over me like tsunami phenomenon when I’m at the metro or in the shower or just walking home passing by small Arabic chocolate stores and carpet shops – which are abundant here by the way. Persian carpet. Baroque style rugs. Bollywood style flooring. Name it.They have it. By the time I reach my office desk to process all these hurricane ideas, they are all gone. They just poof! Lost. Now I am left with only debris of those pouring minutes. Glorious minutes of wild narrations.
Bravery is one of those many debris which I am now trying to pick up to make whole again. I had it spinning in my mind a few days ago like whirlwind heroes. I knew I got to start writing again and the best way to start is to write about writing. Now here it goes.
I lacked sleep and drunk plenty of coffee a few weeks ago which resulted to a brief throwing-up moment in the metro. I decided to divert my mind to my newly born wordpress account and how I want it to be. I want it to be bold, daring, provocative, raw and honest. It is not rude nor timid. It is serious but playful. It’s a combination of pure guts and authentic narrative.
I’m just amazed how brave other writers are, story tellers in particular, to speak their minds publicly without filter. I always have to screen the things I say, not just because I find some issues sensitive in nature but because I always feel like I am borrowing someone else’s life story or that I am breaching some privacy. I am tress passing someone else’s life. And the funny thing is that I still feel guilty even after having used the aliases. I feel like I am exposing them naked in public that even I take a huge portion of that nakedness, I still feel uncomfortable. It makes me feel like wearing someone else’s underwear and strutting along JLT.
To be honest, I’ve always had a problem expressing myself verbally. Like maybe sure, If I try really hard I can fire some nasty stuff in writing. But verbally? My brain was not trained to speak bullets. Take for instance my constant arguments with my boyfriend who by the way has a law degree. I couldn’t counter attack him with some well crafted machine gun that will blow his mind like crazy. No, it’s not like I want to knock his brains out or anything like that. I just want a fair play (or fore – ?). Wait I got confused.
I never had the guts to say anything against someone or to stand up on what I think is right. I would leave my opinion open and hanging, leave alone the spectators to like or dislike the idea. Secretly though, the introverts who can relate to me would always fantasize of climbing an old building or a broken statue with flags up to speak up their mind and start a world class writing revolution. It doesn’t have to be world changing. We don’t need that. We just want to articulate ourselves fearlessly and be heard.
Just to make it clear, I used to reason out and speak my mind – good enough to catch the attention of an entire board room. It’s not like I’m a a total pushover or a word-wreck. I know how to deliver the right words and with conviction. Most of the time, I know what I am saying. At least, most. Right? (Dry smile.) I don’t stutter or space out. I present myself well which was the reason I nailed a promising job in Dubai on my first attempt. But excellence is a habit and not a one time thing. Over the course of time, I have learned that you become what you are constantly doing. And the sad thing about my stay here in the gulf is that, I was doing back office job that to some point hurt my professional skills without me knowing it. I started slacking and stopped improving myself. The process therefore has reduced myself in the size of a receptionist. No offense.
So before I go home and pass by these Shawarma stands and Gents salon – (oh you’ve no idea how many Gents Salon are scattered in each corner of UAE. In fact I think there are more Gents than Ladies’ Salon), I would have to declare the END OF FILTER & JUST BE BOLD advocacy in writing.
And not just in writing but in any field of expertise. Let us start embracing what we are, what we love to do, what we aim to be.
BE BRAVE. BE WILD. BE FREE.
Photo Credit: Flickr